[I really shoulda braced y'all for this irony: Posted a week ago]
Instead I’m writing this! That little overactive filter of doubt is currently turned way down (thanks weed!), so I’m going to do a little introduction on what’s going on and where im gonna go with this.
While initially it was due to feeling it would be a mountain of a task to go through everything instead of just … getting on with it. I also realized that while I’ve been inactive for quite some time now, i’d let my cult mask down on this site back then. I think it’d be interesting to keep the contents as a way to help me find everything I’d put out of my mind about myself.
“Are you ok?”
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: I could write blogs upon blogs talking about everything that’s happened within the past year. My whole life’s perspective was turned on its head. I learned I was born into a cult and that everything I thought I knew about the world was wrong.
The weight off my shoulders is staggering just from the first realization and acceptance that God clearly hadn’t chosen me as one of his people since everything I was naturally drawn to was wrong. I couldn’t handle “going in service” because I developed crippling agoraphobia, social anxiety, depression… There’s more but listing all of them would be depressing. Their answer to not liking “service,” was “more service”. I was already exhausted from panic attacks at every new door my whole goddamn life.
If you haven’t caught on to the lingo, I was a Jehovah’s Witness. The name makes me cringe so don’t be surprised if I avoid it.
It’s really hilarious. Some of what I shared here woulda earned so many council meetings. Then again, i got in shit by them from people narking to the elders instead of talking to me like civilized humans. Nope. Gotta take your “privileges” away. I was straight up pre shunned by someone i thought was one of my best friends, i only have one of those now and guess what, she never was a JW.
“They still love you.” Please. They essentially threw us to the dogs without so much as a “you should do something about this.”
Sounds like conditional love to me.
Jokes on them though. The more times i lost my “privileges” for stupid shit someone went behind my back about, the more i didn’t want them because all the breach of trust from people i was raised to see as the most trustworthy in the world sent my anxiety into ludicrous speed.
I was initially gonna vlog but I realized I suck at talking and don’t have anywhere to record anyway… Generational homes fucking suck.
TL:DR Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute, just let you know
I’ll tell you how I was affected by the JW shitshow.
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